i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
