I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
