Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
