she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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