dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this is an emotional support booty call
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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