I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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