i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
