Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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