So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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