Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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