You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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