I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
