I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
