woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
