Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I currently don't understand fingers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
