As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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