I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
