I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
