we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
