when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
