i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
