I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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