Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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