My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
