Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
