after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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