Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
