I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
