I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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