She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
