i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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