first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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