I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
