that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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