hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
