Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
