you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
