I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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