I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
