Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
