there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
