yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
