you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
