my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
