The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
