just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
