Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
