If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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