How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
