Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
