Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
