Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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