And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
