and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
