I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
