someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
